Thoughts on suicide?

Cyan

Well-Known Member
#1
So I've been feeling like shit for over 3 weeks now. My mental health
doctor refuses to up my anti-depressant, and I'm beginning to just want
everything to stop.

Sure, I got some skills here and there, but
everything I due is basically just gets a "keep going, you'll get there"
or a "You're doing it wrong" response. What do you do when you just
don't have it in you to finish anything anymore? What do you do when the
bad out weigh the good, and nothing really takes away the sorrow of
knowing you'll never be able to become who you want to be. That the
people who have wronged you were right, and that you were apparently the
bad guy all along because you're the one suffering in the end.

Basically, I want to know. What are your thoughts on suicide?

Personally, I'm okay with it. No one really knows how much pain another goes through. As someone who has tried, and failed, to take his own life I can tell you that there are times when you just aren't left with any other choice.
 

Wolven

The Wolf of TNE Street
#3
I have never felt at all like ending my life, even though my anxiety was prone to making me feel horrible. I know I am quite young but I don't feel like anyone should ever think of taking their life, you have a gift that many don't have. I am sorry to hear you are going through hard times and I hope it all gets better. But my thoughts are most definitely no. I do not find suicide ok. Remember there is always an answer, I haven't been through a situation like this but pretty darn close, and I sought help out and if I hadn't, I probably would have been toying with thoughts like that. There is always help and hope out there. Whenever I hear that a student commited suicide cause they got bullied I get some slightly upset since people obviously cared for them and they just ended up hurting them.
Basic answer: anyone who wants to commit suicide is in the wrong even though they are extremely miserable. They should look at the good of life. Christianity really helped me out with my problems for example, and there are probably other solutions like that.
Sorry if this was strongly worded or offensive,

Anyway, I read the OP more thoroughly and I can tell you that I have had instances such as this albeit not as bad as it is stated. I am truly sorry you have felt like that. There is one option other than suicide and that is starting over. There are people out there who are there to help, that have dedicated their lives to it. No matter how bad it is I am pretty sure there is a way out other than suicide.
 

Superfakerbros

ECE 2018
Moderator
#4
I'm going to have to say no. While life can be hard and cruel at times, in ways that people can't quite put to words or even understand, taking one's life is the last them they should do. There's always something that can be done to cope with it
 

Tucker

“Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?”
#5
I'm gonna just not get involved here. As someone who has been depressed so long that they're largely numb, I don't see this discussion ending well for me.
 

Juegos

All mods go to heaven.
Moderator
#6
It's true that no one ever really knows how someone else feels. That said, you should take advice from those who have been there before, if you encounter them.
Personally, I don't like the idea of suicide. Regardless of what you think, when you commit suicide you are leaving people behind to carry your weight, and they are the ones that will have to live with the confusion and grief. I think it's irresponsible to do this to others. You could say that you never asked for this responsibility to begin with, but that's really the deal of being alive. Being alive, and wanting to keep life worth living for yourself and those around you, is pretty much the only real goal of life, and the reason and purpose for its existence.
If there are things in life that you feel are wearing you down, or keeping you from living life, then you should give those up. I think you can only give up on Life after you've given up on everything else, that is your friends, family, skills, work, etc.
I think you're better off thinking seriously about what it is that keeps you down. Is it school? Drop out. Is it discrimination from those around you? Talk to them, and if they can't understand, move on to a different place. Is it relationship issues? Talk to your partner, or cut the thing short and move on. You have so many things to do that can take you to a happier life before you can reasonably say that suicide is the only thing left to do. Even if it's an existential crisis, remember that many crazy existential Russians have dealt with that issue in an effective manner (and if that's the case with you, I suggest you go read Leo Tolstoi's "A Confession and Other Religious Writings").
 

TheAmazingLSB

PLEASE UNDERSTAND....
#8
I have seriously thought about suicide, I think that it's normal for people to do so, especally people who despair....
You just have to think about it like this.... There are no continues in life.... You only get one quarter.... Then it's game over.... So you better play the best game you can play....
 

Cyan

Well-Known Member
#9
Thank you all for your replies. I'm feeling better now. I'm not going to hurt/kill myself. But I am still curious on all y'all's thoughts. Who knows, your posts might help someone out like they did me. :)

I've emailed my doctor about these feelings, and think He'll get back to me around Monday. Hopefully I can get my anti-depressant increase and put this behind me.
 
#10
I'm going to assume that most people here have touched on the topic well enough.
All I'll contribute for now is that killing one's self is cowardly and selfish. They should also be ashamed of themselves. They think they are filling a void, but all they are doing is making it bigger. Taking one's own life is not a last resort because it doesn't resolve anything. It's an inconvenience, a throttle.
If one thinks people have no idea what they're going through, then don't just leave it at that. Make it known what you're going through. There are plenty of people in this world willing to listen or waiting for their chance to make their life meaningful by impacting someone else's. Don't force people to have to make assumptions. Help that person help you. Don't ever think nobody cares, because I'm not nobody.
EDIT: Also yes, it's normal to just think about suicide, but when you're done thinking about it, you better start thinking about dumb of an idea that was.
 

theMightyME

Owner of The Total Screen
#11
I have been very suicidal in the past... I have been diagnosed with major depression, obsessive tendencies, and anxiety disorder...

before I got help my goal was basically tow ait until my mom was gone and then kill myself.. I didn't want to put her through loosing somebody like that.. and while I would have put others through it I was mostly concerned with her.. so for years I was kind of propped up only by the thought of guilt for what it would do to my mom...

after getting help I have a very different perspective.. I feel like their are other opportunities even if I don't necessarily like them completely... but that resignation to their being nothing for me is all but gone... I have started dieting, I am getting myself out of the house and more onto a schedule (still a bit rough there).... it is amazing how establishing even just a schedule for yourself can help.. it kind of gets you moving and keeps you from thinking about getting moving... when I am solid with my schedule (I am a bit off now) I get up at the same time every day, I have somethign small to eat, I take a walk while listening to music and then I have tasks for myself that week that I give myself... like perhaps monday - clean room, tuesday - get a haircut, wednesday - vacuum... at the begining of each week I plan out my week like that... not super busy but just enough that I am moving and doing stuff and it is amazing how much better I feel when I am moving and doing stuff... purpose is an amazing thing.. even if it is for stupid stuff like cleaning your room...

so my advice.. get yourself onto a normalized schedule... give youself atleast 1 taske per day and plan for it ahead, make sure you get outside the house every day... catchup on or abandon any backlogs you have as they can feel like a weight that drives you down... then you should be thinking a bit more clearly and at that time you can take a better look at what you want in life... maybe you don't need some big ambiutious goal in life.. maybe you could be happy with some nonsense job and can find your satisfaction elsewhere... like in doing charity.. or through relationships...

but I tottaly udnerstand the feeling of being absolutely burried and feeling suffocated like there is no light and everything feels pointless... just know that the way you are thinking is chemical... it isn't your true feelings it is the way your body is reacting to your present circumstances.... change them enough and your view can change too
 

theMightyME

Owner of The Total Screen
#12
I'm going to assume that most people here have touched on the topic well enough.
All I'll contribute for now is that killing one's self is cowardly and selfish. They should also be ashamed of themselves. They think they are filling a void, but all they are doing is making it bigger. Taking one's own life is not a last resort because it doesn't resolve anything. It's an inconvenience, a throttle.
If one thinks people have no idea what they're going through, then don't just leave it at that. Make it known what you're going through. There are plenty of people in this world willing to listen or waiting for their chance to make their life meaningful by impacting someone else's. Don't force people to have to make assumptions. Help that person help you. Don't ever think nobody cares, because I'm not nobody.
EDIT: Also yes, it's normal to just think about suicide, but when you're done thinking about it, you better start thinking about dumb of an idea that was.
you don't udnerstand depression at all and you really need to stop talking about it... depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain for some people, they cannot help the way of thinking the have or the way they begin to disregard things you might think are common sense... it is actually quite destructive to apply GUILT to somebody who already feels burried and helpless it ius counter productive and can exasperate the situation... I don't want to be harsh, but depression as in REAL depression, not just "I'm feeling depressed today" is a commonly misunderstood thing... it inhibits thought processes other might take for granted on the neurological level.. shaming is NOT the answer
 

Wolven

The Wolf of TNE Street
#13
You just have to think about it like this.... There are no continues in life.... You only get one quarter.... Then it's game over.... So you better play the best game you can play....

This is a quote that's history-book worthy.
 
#14
I'm going to assume that most people here have touched on the topic well enough.
All I'll contribute for now is that killing one's self is cowardly and selfish. They should also be ashamed of themselves. They think they are filling a void, but all they are doing is making it bigger. Taking one's own life is not a last resort because it doesn't resolve anything. It's an inconvenience, a throttle.
If one thinks people have no idea what they're going through, then don't just leave it at that. Make it known what you're going through. There are plenty of people in this world willing to listen or waiting for their chance to make their life meaningful by impacting someone else's. Don't force people to have to make assumptions. Help that person help you. Don't ever think nobody cares, because I'm not nobody.
EDIT: Also yes, it's normal to just think about suicide, but when you're done thinking about it, you better start thinking about dumb of an idea that was.

you don't udnerstand depression at all and you really need to stop talking about it... depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain for some people, they cannot help the way of thinking the have or the way they begin to disregard things you might think are common sense... it is actually quite destructive to apply GUILT to somebody who already feels burried and helpless it ius counter productive and can exasperate the situation... I don't want to be harsh, but depression as in REAL depression, not just "I'm feeling depressed today" is a commonly misunderstood thing... it inhibits thought processes other might take for granted on the neurological level.. shaming is NOT the answer
You completely and utterly missed the intent of my comment. Your response could actually be a reply to every single comment in this thread.
I'm sure Cyan wasn't looking for people to say "Well, it's a chemical issue so go make your doctor up your meds. We can't help you."
The intent isn't to shame. The intent is to have someone read that and immediately think 'Geez, what was I thinking? I need to do a better job keeping myself propped up so I can continue to live for others (and ultimately themselves)'

I have been very suicidal in the past... I have been diagnosed with major depression, obsessive tendencies, and anxiety disorder...

before I got help my goal was basically tow ait until my mom was gone and then kill myself.. I didn't want to put her through loosing somebody like that.. and while I would have put others through it I was mostly concerned with her.. so for years I was kind of propped up only by the thought of guilt for what it would do to my mom...
Not trying to be a dick here, but this is part of my point. You not wanting to put your mother through the things you said is exactly what my comment was reminding Cyan of. In essence, you knew it would have been a shameful act to kill yourself when others clearly didn't want you dead. Know also that it was just a chemical issue and not your real self is presumable part of what held you back from ending it.
The purpose of my comment was not to simply shame, but to give Cyan and others many reasons to keep themselves here, chemical issue or not.
And finally, don't ever tell me to essentially shut up. Cyan didn't post this thread for people to be silent in fear that they may not give the "right" answer.
 

EvilTw1n

Even my henchmen think I'm crazy.
Moderator
#15
What do you do when you just don't have it in you to finish anything anymore?
Endure.

Which is crap, and I wish there were a better answer. There's no use in getting into "trust me, I've been there" platitudes, because those don't mean much when you get into an emotional area that is so fucking lonely. It seems barren and meaningless, because sometimes life is barren and meaningless. But you endure because life isn't always barren and meaningless. Of course, the "hey, there's a light at the end of the tunnel"-type talk doesn't count for much when there's no light in sight, and thus the negative feedback loop reinforces itself.

Hyperbole and a half is worth reading, if you haven't yet.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

[Part one is more about depression: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html]
 

theMightyME

Owner of The Total Screen
#16
I'm going to assume that most people here have touched on the topic well enough.
All I'll contribute for now is that killing one's self is cowardly and selfish. They should also be ashamed of themselves. They think they are filling a void, but all they are doing is making it bigger. Taking one's own life is not a last resort because it doesn't resolve anything. It's an inconvenience, a throttle.
If one thinks people have no idea what they're going through, then don't just leave it at that. Make it known what you're going through. There are plenty of people in this world willing to listen or waiting for their chance to make their life meaningful by impacting someone else's. Don't force people to have to make assumptions. Help that person help you. Don't ever think nobody cares, because I'm not nobody.
EDIT: Also yes, it's normal to just think about suicide, but when you're done thinking about it, you better start thinking about dumb of an idea that was.

you don't udnerstand depression at all and you really need to stop talking about it... depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain for some people, they cannot help the way of thinking the have or the way they begin to disregard things you might think are common sense... it is actually quite destructive to apply GUILT to somebody who already feels burried and helpless it ius counter productive and can exasperate the situation... I don't want to be harsh, but depression as in REAL depression, not just "I'm feeling depressed today" is a commonly misunderstood thing... it inhibits thought processes other might take for granted on the neurological level.. shaming is NOT the answer
You completely and utterly missed the intent of my comment. Your response could actually be a reply to every single comment in this thread.
I'm sure Cyan wasn't looking for people to say "Well, it's a chemical issue so go make your doctor up your meds. We can't help you."
The intent isn't to shame. The intent is to have someone read that and immediately think 'Geez, what was I thinking? I need to do a better job keeping myself propped up so I can continue to live for others (and ultimately themselves)'

I have been very suicidal in the past... I have been diagnosed with major depression, obsessive tendencies, and anxiety disorder...

before I got help my goal was basically tow ait until my mom was gone and then kill myself.. I didn't want to put her through loosing somebody like that.. and while I would have put others through it I was mostly concerned with her.. so for years I was kind of propped up only by the thought of guilt for what it would do to my mom...
Not trying to be a dick here, but this is part of my point. You not wanting to put your mother through the things you said is exactly what my comment was reminding Cyan of. In essence, you knew it would have been a shameful act to kill yourself when others clearly didn't want you dead. Know also that it was just a chemical issue and not your real self is presumable part of what held you back from ending it.
The purpose of my comment was not to simply shame, but to give Cyan and others many reasons to keep themselves here, chemical issue or not.
And finally, don't ever tell me to essentially shut up. Cyan didn't post this thread for people to be silent in fear that they may not give the "right" answer.
depression at that level is a complex issue that you don't seem to understand.. shaming causes more harm than good.. the person might put on a brave face but they have just lost an outlet, it is a very delicate issue and you don't simply tell people to toughen up or make them feel ashamed about the thoughts they had... I came to my conclusions on my own not because others tried to make me feel bad about my previous thoughts... my advice is for him to take the time to come to his own CLEAR thoughts rather then making him ashamed of something he can't help
 
#17
You don't come to clear conclusions by yourself. Things actually have to happen for you to make conclusive thoughts. I'm pretty sure one of the factors in making sure that the conclusion is a positive one is knowing that life has once been good for you. Another one is being sure that there are people worth living for. Perhaps I should have phrased my comment differently, but the intent clearly wasn't to shame. It really shouldn't be that hard to understand. I was simply trying to provide different mindset, one that worked for me. Now that my intent has been completely skewed, I have to explain myself.

I've gone through a brief period of depression caused by immense stress (and denial of such stress, even right now). It all started with a disease I had acquired in my life that caused me to go from having perfect attendance records to missing many days of school and ultimately being forced to make the decision to finish up one of my years of school online. This completely wrecked all success plans that I had and at an extremely inconvenient time. During my time away from my friends, I felt lonely as much as I denied it. I also felt as if nobody understood me or had a reason to want to understand. I also felt as if my own parents misunderstood for certain reasons. The climax of this event resulted in me one day inflicting pain on myself (For example, one time, I banged my head repeatedly on a door thinking that would solve something). Sometimes, while driving, I even find myself believing that it be totally fine if I died in a car crash that very second.

I was misguided though, it's not that nobody understood me, I didn't give anyone the chance to understand. Every time a friend, doctor, or family member asked how I was doing, I lied. Even if part of the lie was truth, I fixated on the truth part and completely blocked out the part that was a lie. To be more specific, I wanted my friends to continue seeing me as my zero-problems-always-knows-what-to-do old self. The reality was, while I may always have a plan, I definitely had problems that I had wished people understood. It's just that I felt my problems were to embarrassing to be revealed considering the person I used to be. Soon enough, my friends began to see through the BS mask I was hiding behind, which angered/scared me. What I didn't realize at the time was that I effectively punishing my friends for caring. Sure, like I might have been with my initial comment, they might have been showing a total lack of understanding of my situation, but what else were they supposed to do if I never helped them understand. Eventually, I felt ashamed for putting my friends through all this when all they wanted to do was help. I was selfish for not hearing them and a coward for running away from reality. I don't care if that sounds harsh; those were the facts. And it helps exactly nobody when you condemn them for not understanding. It's the attempt and willingness to understand that counts.

These days, I'm more honest with myself and with my friends which has arguably made me a better person than before I went through my depression state (now I feel wiser). I went from not being able to see a possible future (depression) to being able to do just that. The fact of the matter is, you just have to make the best of the cards you were dealt with. There's no point arguing. There's no point throwing a fit. Rage quitting (killing yourself) makes you sore loser and quite frankly isn't fair to those around you. You just have to keep going. One of the best ways to do this is by incentive, or looking forward to pleasures in life. Pleasures in life can be found anywhere.
 

Majorbuddah

My real name is Dolemite
#18
i had a friend who killed herself. the funeral was the most depressing shit ever, seeing her mom, dad and kid sister like that. her older brother was one of the most bad ass motherfuckers i knew, and he was sobbing like a fucking child. in that moment i was pretty furious with her to be honest. i could never do that to my family. i think suicide is selfish. i'd go through hell to work through my problems before i inflicted that kind of pain on the people who care about me.

i know it doesn't help to just say this, but try harder dude. see a therapist (or see a better one). get the meds you need from your doctor (or get a better doctor). suicide is not a way to solve your problems or fix your life.
 
#19
I suggest taking a read at that blog Mike D. linked. It's someone who went through depression and really wanted to kill herself and pulled herself out of it. I think the best advice will come from those who've gone through what you're going through as it's very hard for someone who hasn't felt depressed to understand those that have.

As for my thoughts on suicide I'm against it except in the rare instance where someone is suffering physically and will die relatively soon or someone who can see themselves degrade such as alzheimers etc. and want to preserve their dignity before death.
 

EvilTw1n

Even my henchmen think I'm crazy.
Moderator
#21
Let's not try to turn this into a depression prick waving contest. That'll just make us all depressed. :p There's clinical depression, depression onset from another illness, depression due to circumstance (financial hardships, death of loved ones, break ups), etc. etc. etc. Not the same root or the same resulting emotional state, but worth noting. I've been in the "everything is terrible just because everything is terrible" depression, and the "want to shoot yourself because of a divorce"-type depression (which is as close as I've ever come to doing the deed). That said:

shaming causes more harm than good.
This.

If your idea of helping a truly depressed person is to guilt trip them, you're doing it wrong.

https://24.media.tumblr.com/fce828e1d3d2316fd58a53242434ac52/tumblr_lx4n2ujEgs1qakh43o2_r1_500.gif
https://24.media.tumblr.com/d19fb603ff1ec30b43b591b376d5ce08/tumblr_lx4n2ujEgs1qakh43o1_r1_500.gif
 
#22
Sure did help me. The goal isn't to keep yourself around by feeling guilty. The goal is to actually find reasons to stay alive. One can start by doing that by realizing that killing themselves was terrible idea in the first place.
Once you find your own reasons to live, you're going to feel guilty for even attempting to do so no matter what. Not sure why some of you guys are all "omg don't say that". Someone who is truly not depressed any longer and has found reasons to live will look back and say "Holy crap, I can't believe I actually contemplated suicide."
 

EvilTw1n

Even my henchmen think I'm crazy.
Moderator
#23
Sure did help me. The goal isn't to keep yourself around by feeling guilty. The goal is to actually find reasons to stay alive. One can start by doing that by realizing that killing themselves was terrible idea in the first place.

Once you find your own reasons to live, you're going to feel guilty for even attempting to do so no matter what. Not sure why some of you guys are all "omg don't say that". Someone who is truly not depressed any longer and has found reasons to live will look back and say "Holy crap, I can't believe I actually contemplated suicide."
What helps you in your particular circumstance does not help everyone. The psychology of clinical depression generally doesn't take well to shaming. If you'd like to make a clinically depressed individual feel worse about themselves, making them feel guilty for their own feelings is a good way to do it.

This is a topic fraught with perilous ways to hurt other people's feelings. Treading lightly is a virtue on such grounds.
 

Cyan

Well-Known Member
#24
All of these replies are very helpful. As for Aces' reply, yeah it might not have had the best words, but I can clearly see he mean't to give others a chance to help me, and not just assume they'd all be rude/mean/uncareing about it. Also, he really does want to help, so don't think he's trolling or anything. He's contacted me twice via other outlets since I made this thread to make sure I'm alright (I will be replying after this post, since I just woke up.)

I think Mike D. is right that we should try to keep the aggression in this thread to a minimum though.

Still haven't gotten a reply from my doc yet, but I'm going to try to make a schedule today like TheMightyMe said.

Also I'm going to give those blogs a read after I come back from a walk.

I still fell depressed, but I'm thinking about it a lot more clearly and logically, and even hopefully, so I must thank all of you guys for that. Maybe I can make it ease up on me with all this help. :)
 
#26
Sure did help me. The goal isn't to keep yourself around by feeling guilty. The goal is to actually find reasons to stay alive. One can start by doing that by realizing that killing themselves was terrible idea in the first place.

Once you find your own reasons to live, you're going to feel guilty for even attempting to do so no matter what. Not sure why some of you guys are all "omg don't say that". Someone who is truly not depressed any longer and has found reasons to live will look back and say "Holy crap, I can't believe I actually contemplated suicide."
What helps you in your particular circumstance does not help everyone. The psychology of clinical depression generally doesn't take well to shaming. If you'd like to make a clinically depressed individual feel worse about themselves, making them feel guilty for their own feelings is a good way to do it.

This is a topic fraught with perilous ways to hurt other people's feelings. Treading lightly is a virtue on such grounds.
Yeah, bad phrasing on my part.
As clarified to Cyan, I didn't mean to use the act of feeling ashamed as a starting point to getting better. What I meant was that at the end of their depression state, when life is better, one may look back and feel ashamed of themselves, but in more of a jocular kind of way (sort of like I did), essentially poking fun at their old self. Something along the lines of "Lol, wow. That was me. Glad I'm feeling much better."
 

EvilTw1n

Even my henchmen think I'm crazy.
Moderator
#27
What I meant was that at the end of their depression state, when life is better, one may look back and feel ashamed of themselves, but in more of a jocular kind of way (sort of like I did), essentially poking fun at their old self. Something along the lines of "Lol, wow. That was me. Glad I'm feeling much better."
And I get what you mean now, as I have certainly had that same sort of moment looking back (interspersed with more self loathing and hate, admittedly).

I wasn't attempting to dog pile or anything; it's just that this is a subject where there unfortunately aren't any one-size-fits-all (or even most) solutions, which sucks.
 

theMightyME

Owner of The Total Screen
#28
sorry to start a fight... it is just that clinical depression is very different from depression that is brought on... and the way it is treated is very different.. I know this because I have it, and I am in treatment for it right now, and I know that when I was shamed it made it worse, I stopped trusting the source with my open thoughts and just pretended to be alright, and that caused more issues...

cyan... good about the schedule.. stick to it... when i was treating my anxiety my therapist tried to find soemthign that would trigger it, like being in a mall alone surrounded by people without backup where I would feel like I was the center of attention... so he had me slowly work towards putting myself in that situation (slow is the key)... so for a few weeks every day at the same time I would walk to towards the bus stop visualizing getting on the bus, but not actually going all the way until the idea of going out every day just became habbit it seemed stupid and light but turning base anxiety into habit had a HUGE effect... then I started actually going all the way to the bus stop and waiting there for 10 minutes... again I felt stupid... what would people think of me, that I was soem crazy guy who walked to the bus stop sat down and walked back 10 minutes later? the elsson I had to elarn (and it can't simply be told) is that nobody cares what i was doing.... then I started taking the bis to the mall, then taking it back not actually going in... again EVERY DAY at the same time.... by this point it started getting kind of frustrating... but I wasn't really feeling anxiety about the trip any more.... then I would go in the mall but not do anything there... and just be there for 10 minutes... I had more anxiety this time because I had to put myself in a crowd... but after a week I felt better about it it was just habit... the lasts etp was to interact... to get on the bus, go tot he mall, and talk to soemone.. go to a shop and buy something, make small talk with the eprson ebhind the counter.. that kind of thing... it made me more autonomous, I could go out and do my own thing without worrying about people judging me (the root of my anxiety)

now this was for anxiety... not depression.. but the 2 are linked... after that I don't go to the mall anymore.. I don't have anxiety about it... but this caused me to backslide a bit too, I fell of schedule because my next step was different and it was like starting something else at 0... I am currently working on that part.. which has to do with being able to deal with a job interview without shutting down inside... and failing miserably.. I am working on that now, but because the schedule isn't as simple I have fallen a bit off there.. and I have become more depressed... it is a current hurdle I am dealing with.. I know how to deal with it but I am struggling to make it happen... the more on schedule I get the happier I am.. the mroe I do the more time I have to do stuff (as paradoxical as that sounds it is true... if you do more you get on a kind of roll) I try now to go on a walk every day.. about 1.5 miles or so this helps with the diet too obviously

some of this wont help you at all.. but I thought I should share some of my own experiences not so much with depression.. but with fighting it
 
#31
I've always been touchy on the subject, I've had friends that I've had to convince from not doing it, I've had friends do it and I've even contemplated it myself multiple times. It really is the coward's way out, it's selfish and I've always considered it to be a pretty shitty way to go.
Of course, everyone is different. It's all well and good saying "I know how you feel, I've been there" but in reality, the causes leading up to that person's situation are always going to be different. You don't know how they feel, ever.
You have to find a reason to live, not the meaning of life, not what the point of this all is, you need to set yourself a goal, or find something that makes you happy, and do it. Shit, I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do for the rest of my life last year (I was 17) and then all of a sudden, writing and talking about video games is a career, that's what I strive for. That's what my goal is, still not entirely sure if it's what I want to do for all my life but it's something. Maybe one day I'll fall in love and want to be a 24.7 dad, maybe one day I'll develop and app that makes me a millionaire. Who knows. There is an entire WORLD out there. Full of things to do, experience, learn, create, listen, write, eat, read, enhance, develop and so on. I see loads of other teenagers getting hung up on relationships and all that jazz, not realising their not even 20 yet, they have an entire lifetime ahead of them and they're crying over boys and girls they would have forgotten about in 4 years time.
I've been depressed, really depressed, I used to have major anxiety issues, wouldn't talk to anyone, lost all my friends, couldn't even face a girl. Never recieved direct help from anyone, and that's what I live for. Continuous self improvement, I want to show the world what I can do, that I can be outgoing, that I can do extraordinary things. That's why I wake up every morning.
Went off on a bit of a tangent but that's what I think about when someone mentions suicide, missed opportunities.
 

Juegos

All mods go to heaven.
Moderator
#32
I also want to mention that the father of some friends (they're a big family) committed suicide by shooting himself in his own house. The youngest girl, who is about my age, heard the gunshot, but didn't check it out at first because she figured it must have been her dad killing some vermin in the backyard. But at the same time, she felt uneasy because the gunshot sounded a bit too close, so she didn't know what to do.
Of course there is nothing to be done, really, when a person has already shot themselves in the head, but the fact of the matter is that she will always think of whether there could have been something to do if she had only gotten to him sooner. This is something she carries with herself, and if she doesn't want to accept that there was nothing that anyone in the family could have done to prevent their father's suicide, then she's going to carry some serious psychological damage throughout her life. The rest of the family isn't much better off, and even the son who is typically more of an existentialist, seems unable to accept that his father did this to himself, that it wasn't a virtuous escape or anything of the sort.
That's where I was coming form before when I said that to commit suicide is irresponsible and only leaves others to carry your weight. It damages people and prolongs a cycle of anger and hate that shouldn't be there.
 

sjmartin79

White Phoenix of the Crown
#35
About 10 years ago or so, I had thoughts of suicide. Funny enough, it wasn't surrounding the drama of when I came out. I dealt with that head on. It was related to another issue entirely. For me, it felt like I had no way out, that all was hopeless, that I had lost my support system. My family was upset with me. And for good reason. But I felt shut off. I felt alone. I didn't want to face the dark days ahead.
It was something my father said that triggered me to rethink the situation. He said, "You better not be thinking of suicide or I'll kick your ass. I may be pissed at you right now, but taking you own life is not the answer. It is never the answer. Do you know what it would do to all the people who love you?"
For me, it was realizing what I would do to the people around me if I went through with it. In my case, it wasn't clinical depression. Was I depressed? Yes. But for me, suicide would have been an easy fix to difficult situation.
In the end, I dealt with it. I took the scorn and punishment I deserved. I became the family pariah. But I was alive, and I worked to turn my life and my situation around, and I worked to gain back the respect I had lost. 10 years later, I made the right choice, and I am not the person I was then. I am stronger.

As has been said, thoughts of suicide are different for every person as are the reasons for it. I don't mean my story as a blanket of what suicide is about. I'm just sharing so that if anyone who reads it is in a similar situation, they can see that, at least for me, there is another way.
 

Shoulder

Your Resident Beardy Bear
#36
Suicide is a tricky thing to talk about, especially when you haven't actually tried committing it yourself. I think for a lot of people, he/she has thought about suicide in some form, but perhaps just the act of thinking about it, turns into a defense mechanism your brain tells you to protect yourself from ever doing it.
Have I ever thought about it? To some extent, yes, but I knew I could never do it because of what repercussions it would result in after the fact.
 

simplyTravis

Lamer Gamers Podcast Co-Host
#37
I have been depressed pretty badly in the past and did have some thoughts about 2 years ago but would never really go get the gun. I just couldn't do that to those around me. What really hit me was when I had a really great student try to kill themselves (trying not to indicate who they are) before school when there were warning signs dealing with schizophrenia that I should have noticed but was not given any indication that this person had those tendencies. What made it worse was when that person slit their wrists and took a bunch of pills nobody could recognize the person due to a drastic change in attire that day which normally covers their head. I had to take over and keep 400 kids from going to classes while I had to help a friend/teacher from passing out so the EMT's could get in there and do work. It was a really insane day and once I ended up getting through all of the redirecting and running things in absence of administration (which is one of my jobs) I managed to find out who did it and broke down. I barely made it through classes that day before rushing to the hospital (which I was not told to do) to check and came to realize that if I took my life I couldn't imagine all of that grief being put on others. I mean, even though I only taught the kid on and off for 5 years I still had a hard time dealing with it. Those that are closest to me, including my wife, would go through hell and would have the same feelings of, "What did I do wrong?" "I should have known", etc... So yeah, I know it is hard to think about others when you are down and out but that toll of being on the other side is something I could not imagine anyone wanting to put someone else through.
 

GaemzDood

Well-Known Member
#38
I own a gun, but I think I'll just call a suicide hotline.

There are a ton of great looking things other people do in my life, but I'm enclosed off of all of them. Walking towards them won't allow me to proceed any further than the invisible wall that's placed there.

Posting from a party on Tapatalk.
 
#39
I probably have suicidal thoughts every 3 weeks. It's something I learned to live with. It concerns my girlfriend but to me it's just life. It's how my brain deals with a problem like an automatic equation. This problem + this problem = suicide. Somewhere along the line I tried to fine an equation that can solve all my problems and suicide became the answer to solve all problems when things get tough because what could be better than eliminating all pain so there is no problem. Overall I know my true self so while I still have dark thoughts I view my self as an optimist overall. I have a lot to live for with my schooling, my writing (scripts) and my ideas (computer science apps) I have friends and family and have to know what is worth living for. Having a son/daughter/traveling/future cinema master pieces/future gaming masterpieces/my goals becoming a reality. I don't take medicine. I believe I'm capable of rationalizing my self out of depressed moods on a consistent basis. It's always worked for me.
 

Ex-Actarus

Well-Known Member
#40
I really think Suicide thoughts are suicides are a thing of rich countries really.
When I think about ALL this issues that some people are facing in poor countries, I think it's crazy to think so many people are having suicide thoughts.
I just can't.

That said I can understand the pain when you feel miserable or without any hope in the future.
I think it's great to talk about it and share it with somebody, that's the best start.

My ex-roomate was suicidal. She is indian and had sooooo many family issues. She was talking about suicide all the time.
I was very worried and spend hours with her trying to find solutions and options for her.
Now she feels better.

So I think the best way to avoid suicidal thoughts, is to TALK or DISCUSS about it.
So I would like to salute @CyanPrime for this thread. Maybe it help you but other who were feeling the same way...
 
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Odo

Well-Known Member
#41
I really think Suicide thoughts are suicides are a thing of rich countries really.
When I think about ALL this issues that some people are facing in poor countries, I think it's crazy to think so many people are having suicide thoughts.
I just can't.

That said I can understand the pain when you feel miserable or without any hope in the future.
I think it's great to talk about it and share it with somebody, that's the best start.

My ex-roomate was suicidal. She is indian and had sooooo many family issues. She was talking about suicide all the time.
I was very worried and spend hours with her trying to find solutions and options for her.
Now she feels better.

So I think the best way to avoid suicidal thoughts, he to TALK or DISCUSS about it.
So I would like to salute @CyanPrime for this thread. Maybe it help you but other who were feeling the same way...

I agree with you that people who has (or had) hard lives are stronger. And I've got to add that nowadays people in general, mainly teenagers, are too fragile here on the West.

West parents, it includes Americas, Europe, everywhere, are so weak nowadays. The old times where children were bring up to be strong adults is over and I believe it's sad and bad for our society and the future of our civilisation. Young people is taking too long to grow up.


In the other hand, I believe that most of the suicide thoughts comes from depression that is a real sickness. Depressed people just feel bad and can't see good things. I'm not a depressed person at all, but I know how hard is to look after a depressed person.
 
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